'Stand By Me'

This is the first piece I completed in the collection. It really sets the tone for the collection as a whole. At the time, I was disillusioned and was trying to survive. I was truly in deep in that ‘oh, fuck’ transitional moment when you realise that you’re not just ‘in the world but not of the world’. I know using that quote may make you think I went through a religious phase, but I didn’t, just watch a lot of moron reality TV. Still, I do believe that the saying applied to many of us at one point or another, when you are aware of the world at large, but naive to the impact of the greater world, when serious topics were just that, and really the important thing was the best scheme you and your mates had devised, or whatever beef was happening between peers.

When I was making this piece, I was yearning to go back to a time when that was the case, unwilling to accept that, and really pissed off that I didn’t get to go on the ultimate ‘stand by me’ adventure. I had to admit that I was in the world and of it, and, like everybody else, I had to deal with it. And I know this sounds like a lot of self-indulgent complaining, and in many ways, maybe it is, because the world was a lot less grey, and also I couldn’t miss this incredible opportunity to nostalgia bait my ass.

I felt most invincible when I was with my mates because we were all in it for the ride, sharing a ‘fuck around and find out’ mentality.

The only difference, to me, then and now is that I know I am not ‘invincible.’ The only thing that has changed is that I am no longer naive and innocent, which is a good thing; it means I can approach the world in a more nuanced, dynamic way. Knowing that we are not invincible makes this life, and the connections, friendships, and experiences, so much more meaningful.

There are many reactions people can have to the loss of perceived invincibility. We can stunt ourselves by refusing to believe it and tryna recreate it, and embarrassing ourselves and then probably dying alone. Or we could become a cynical nihilistic git with a ‘what is the point’ life and the world ‘sucks’ attitude, and probably die alone.

Or decide to have fun, be curious, be rebellious and have hope, have hope that because I am in the world, I can make it better for the other people around me.

I will still hold onto the attitudes and ideals that were so colourful before that realisation. And if I do become cynical and jade, I should probably die alone… I’m kidding, no one deserves that.